


he tried. he failed. he found another way.

by evangelistofstars



Category: Hadestown - Mitchell
Genre: (kind of), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Death, Post-Canon, Role Reversal, eurydice is NOT HAPPY, post canon orpheus is a sad boi, save him please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 19:06:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18629434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evangelistofstars/pseuds/evangelistofstars
Summary: In which, after Orpheus turns around and Eurydice dies for the second time, Orpheus sells himself over to Hades, just so he can see her again. Alive, but not living, is how he would have lived up top. Living, but dead, is how he is down below.





	he tried. he failed. he found another way.

_“It’s you...”_

_“It’s me…….Orpheus?”_

_“Eurydice….”_

 

A flash of light, and Eurydice had disappeared. She started fading farther into the distance, gasping and screaming and calling out Orpheus’s name. He didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. She’d be gone any second now, there was nothing he could do, no way he could save her. He had failed her. A living mortal could only enter Hadestown once, so he couldn’t just go back and get her like he had the first time. She was gone. Gone forever, and he’d have to live without her.

 

But Orpheus couldn’t even imagine his life without Eurydice in it. She was his heart and soul, his food, his shelter, the air he breathed and all that he needed in life. She was a part of who he was, and without her, he was nothing, he wasn’t himself, he wasn’t Orpheus. He needed her in order to go on. In order to live his life. He couldn’t exist without her by his side.

 

But Eurydice was gone now, and Orpheus would never see her again, not until he eventually died and their souls reunited in Hadestown. He imagined what life would be like if he hadn’t turned around. _Would they have made it out safely? Would they have been happy together?_ He’d been so close, he’d almost made it, and at the very last moment he’d just had to lose faith when they were inches away from the surface. He’d let doubt and fear consume him, he lost faith in her and he had failed her, and now he’d never see her again.

 

But Orpheus was resilient, and he picked himself up and carried himself home, despite how much he wanted to just lie down and collapse there. He had to be strong for Eurydice, it’s what she would’ve wanted him to do if she were still here with him. It was weakness that had taken her away from him, he had to be strong for her, he had to go on living without her, even when he felt like his life was no longer worth living. Orpheus looked as fragile as he felt, as if he was holding himself up by a single thread when the rest of him wanted to collapse. He’d find a way to go on without her, he’d find a way to manage. It’s what she would want him to do.

 

So Orpheus tried to live his life without her. But she was every fiber of his being. He was a shell of his former self, his bright green eyes once full of youthful optimism now dull and tired and filled with an icy, angry sort of melancholy he couldn’t quite explain if he tried. His face which had once been flushed and full of life looked so pale and gaunt now. He looked like a ghost, and he felt like one too. He was alive, yes, but not really living, for how could he live without her?

 

Still, he tried to go on, sustaining himself on whatever rations they had and sitting alone by the fire. His bed was cold without her in it, and he tossed and turned at night, imagining she was there. He hardly slept, kept up by nightmares and flashbacks of what could’ve been. It showed in his eyes. He was a broken man. He couldn’t do anything without her, and would go days without eating or sleeping because he was so traumatized that she was gone. But he had to go on for her, he had to be strong, as he knew that was what she would want.

 

He tried to keep singing, to keep playing his songs, but no rhythm or melody would come to him. He had no inspiration, he had nothing to sing, but a single scrap of a melody that he had in the back of his mind, the faintest memory of a song that once was, a song that he knew had been epic. A song that had moved the king of the Underworld to give him Eurydice back. That song was but a faint whisper now, a piece of a melody with no words attached, he couldn’t remember the words. Orpheus had once been a great musician, a poet whose words and voice were so beautiful, he’d draw inanimate objects to him with his singing. But now, his voice was broken and his mind was out of songs. He’d never sing again, unless he somehow found his Eurydice. His muse, his inspiration, his everything. He needed her to be able to sing, just like he needed her for everything else. But she was gone. That was how Orpheus’s voice died out.

 

Without either Eurydice nor his songs to keep him company, Orpheus lived a bleak existence. Existing, but not really living, torn apart by flashbacks, looking as dead as he felt inside and never being able to sleep. He wondered how he kept himself standing at this point, as he felt about ready to collapse and fade into nothing, but somehow, he kept himself alive. Old Hermes came to visit him when he could, and Persephone when she was up top, and both of them lamented on what he had become - a shell of a man, a shell of his former existence.

 

Before all of this, Orpheus had been full of life. He was kind and optimistic and radiant, he’d play a song for everyone, wanting to make as many people happy with his music as he could. But this was a very different Orpheus. Cynical and cold, distrusting of everyone, lashing out at everyone who got in his way. He’d start screaming matches at the drop of a hat, he drank himself sick trying to forget everything that had happened, but he couldn’t get rid of it no matter how hard he tried. He hated everyone, he hated the world, he hated the fact that he was in it. He used to see the way the world could be, _but could the world even be like that?_ He doubted it. The world could never be like that, no matter what he did. _It wasn’t beautiful._ He couldn’t fix things with a song. He didn’t even _have_ a song! Now, all Orpheus saw was the way things were, and he _hated_ the way things were. He hated everyone, but he hated himself most of all.

 

After trying to exist for what had felt like forever without her, Orpheus had given up. He packed a bag full of everything important to him - he brought his lyre, too, just in case, he might end up remembering a song after all - and walked for what seemed like forever until he reached the familiar train station. It was nighttime, it was dark out and cold, and walking this way gave Orpheus an uneasy feeling, as he remembered the last time he had walked this path. The thought made him sick to his stomach, he almost considered just turning around and going back home, rather than walking that terrible path to that terrible train station that reminded him of all the things he was desperately trying to forget. But in true Orpheus fashion, he kept walking, through the night, stopping when he reached the station, as he felt that familiar feeling cease. This was nothing like last time. He would see her again.

 

“One ticket to Hadestown, please,” he said, his voice cracking as he tried to hold back tears.

 

Hermes nodded, and handed him a coin with a picture of a flower and the letter “H” on it, which he assumed was the ticket to the Underworld. Orpheus sat and waited for the train to come.

 

The train came, and Orpheus tried to assure himself that this was the right thing to do. Sure, Eurydice would want him to be strong, she’d want him to go on without her. But he couldn’t go on without her. Not really. He’d rather be physically dead but with a soul that is living in Hadestown, than be physically alive but not really living up top. This was the only way he could see his Eurydice again, without having to wait until he died of his own accord. He watched as the train pulled closer and closer, the lights getting bigger and bigger until they were right in front of him.

 

The double doors opened and the familiar man who he knew to be the king of the Underworld himself, stepped off the train and walked towards Orpheus with a disapproving smirk on his face. Orpheus braced himself for what Hades would say to him, what Hades would do to him, if he would even make it to Hadestown or if he’d be dead before the train even got there. But the smile on Hades’ face grows warmer, and he greets him like an old friend, which terrifies Orpheus even more. He no longer is able to trust people, even when they seem to be kind, and he knows Hades to well to trust him after what he did to him. How can he trust this man, when it’s because of him that Eurydice is gone? Orpheus doesn’t want anything to do with Hades. But if he’s going to Hadestown, he’s gonna have to deal with its king.

 

“Young man, what are you doing here?” Hades said with a smile.

 

Orpheus shivered, too frightened to speak. How dare Hades speak to him. How dare he approach him. After what he did to Eurydice, he had no right to go anywhere near him.

 

“Tell him, boy,” said Hermes from behind him.

 

With a trembling voice that is barely there, Orpheus said that he would like to board the train to Hadestown. He wished he didn’t exist, he wished he didn’t have to explain. He wished Hades would just get the fuck away from him. But he knew that that wasn’t going to happen.

 

“Your ticket?” Hades asked, almost disbelievingly. He really didn’t believe that Orpheus had a ticket, and without a ticket, how could he get on the train?

 

Orpheus nods silently, and pulls out the little coin, placing it in his hand without speaking.

 

Hades nods. “Very well,” and props his cane out at the double doors to the train. They open, and he motions for him to get on. Orpheus braces himself for the train ride that lies ahead of him.

 

Orpheus boards the train. He’s the only one aboard tonight, and Hades shows him to his car in silence. Orpheus sits and watches as the rest of the living world blazes past him. It’s the last time he’s ever going to see the world up top. He watches as the trees and grass and flowers blaze past him, and the factories and smokestacks of Hadestown come into view. Any minute now, and he’ll be in the Underworld….Any minute now, and he’ll be signing his life away…. He watches it all roll by. He’s never been on the train to Hadestown before, last time he walked himself all the way down there. It isn’t quite as distressing on the train. Despite being the only passenger, he doesn’t feel quite as alone, and he knows that he’ll see Eurydice soon again down in the Underworld, and this time they’ll reunite for good….Any minute now, and he can see her…

 

Orpheus steps off the train. He looks around him. Hadestown is different from how he remembered it. There’s still factories and smokestacks, but the place seems a lot kinder, warmer, more genuine. Perhaps he’s made an impact on Hades after all. But it doesn’t make him hate the man any less. He had previously understood him, sympathized with him, related to him. But now he just wants to murder him. Of course, he can’t murder a god.

 

But still, he lunges at Hades the moment he steps off that train. He’s never wanted to hurt someone as much as he does now. He kicks and punches and lunges at him, trying to cause some damage. But the king of the Underworld is powerful, and Orpheus is no match for him.

 

“I’ll kill you for what you did to her, I’ll destroy you!” Orpheus screams, but it’s no use. He’s fighting a losing battle and he knows it. But that doesn’t stop him now.

 

Orpheus feels himself being dragged away from Hades by the workers, who carry him kicking and screaming and set him down gently on the ground. Orpheus looks up at Hades, who seems so much bigger than him and Orpheus feels so small, as Hades comes looming towards him and snaps his lyre in half. “Take this to the pit,” he says, tossing it to one of the workers, who goes and throws it down into one of the deepest, darkest caverns in Hadestown. Orpheus tries to run, but he doesn’t know what to do. He’ll never play the lyre again.

 

Hades sets the paperwork in front of him, and with a shaking hand, Orpheus signs it. He signs his life away to Hades, and is given his uniform and sent to go work in the factories. But Orpheus sets off to find Eurydice. He knows she’s down here too. If only Hadestown wasn’t such a big place, he could find her. Or if he remembered a song…

 

Unable to find Eurydice, Orpheus gets to work. He tries to be obedient, listen to the Foreman and all the other people in charge of him. He gets along with the other workers alright, but his fragile poet body isn’t built for factory work. He can’t die, considering he’s already dead, but he knows that this manual labor isn’t gonna be very good for him. He keeps calling out to Eurydice, to see if maybe he can find her, but she’s nowhere to be found.

 

But gossip spreads quickly in Hadestown. The workers have all heard of Orpheus’s story, they remember him from when he came down to try to get her the first time. So when they saw him back down here, signing his life away, the rumors spread very quickly about what he had done. It wasn’t long before Eurydice heard the news, and that very news shattered her heart into a million little pieces, she couldn’t believe her ears.

 

 _“Is it true what they say?”_ she gasped.

 

But it was true. The deal was done. Orpheus had signed his life away.

 

It wasn’t long before Eurydice found Orpheus. She steeled herself, approaching him, fiery, icy rage in her eyes, not even knowing what to say to him, feeling sad and angry and betrayed and heartbroken all at once, though admittedly a small part of her was happy, happy to see him again. She pushed that part of her away, however, focusing on the rage.

 

Orpheus had since gotten used to the work in the factory. It didn’t seem so hard anymore, this was just the way things were, and he didn’t really mind it that much. The working conditions were a whole lot better than when he’d come to Hadestown the first time. _Had he really made that big of a difference down here?_ He didn’t know that his impact would be so strong.

 

Eurydice approached Orpheus with the anger of a thousand suns.

 

“It’s you,” she said, her voice icy and cold.

There was not an ounce of love in it like before.

 

Orpheus turned around to face her, his broken eyes meeting her angry ones.

“It’s me,” he nodded, a small smile coming to his face. Orpheus didn’t care about the anger in Eurydice’s eyes, for in this moment, he couldn’t be happier.

He’d come all this way to see her, and here she was.

 

 _“Orpheus---”_ Eurydice said, her tone rough and unforgiving.

 

“Eurydice….” he smiled. He wanted to hold her in his arms.

 

Orpheus wanted to scream, to yell out to the world that he had found his love. He could finally be with her forever, and they would be okay again. But Eurydice wasn’t so set on that. How could Orpheus do this to her? How could he throw his life away, and go against everything he’d ever stood for, just to be with her? This didn’t make sense to her, Orpheus would never do this.

 

“How’d you get here?” she asked, the anger in her voice showing clearly.

 

“On the train,” he smiled. “I got a ticket. Signed the deal. Now I’m here with you forever, love!”

 

“Oh, Orpheus---” Eurydice shook her head. “What the fuck have you done.”

 

Orpheus sighed. “I just...wanted to see you again, Eurydice.”

 

“What the fuck have you done?! You threw your life away for me! You didn’t need to do that, Orpheus. You should’ve just stayed up top. You’d have seen me again, eventually! Oh---- Orpheus----” She couldn’t believe what he had done. It angered her. Why would he do this? Why? Why throw his life away for her? Why throw away everything he stands for?

 

Of course, Orpheus desn’t stand for anything anymore. But Eurydice doesn’t know that. And if she found out, it would break her heart.

 

“Can’t you go back?” she sighed.

 

Orpheus shook his head. “Nope! The deal’s been made, the papers signed. I belong to Hades now, I signed my life away.”

 

“Orpheus, what the fuck have you done?!” Eurydice screamed again.

She couldn’t believe him, she just couldn’t. Why would he do this?

 

“I signed my life away,” he repeated, his voice more firm and steady this time. “I just wanted to see you again…….Aren’t you happy to see me? I missed you!”

 

Despite all of her anger, Eurydice manages a smile. “I missed you too. I tried to keep an optimistic mind for you, as I knew that you would want me to…..”

 

Orpheus smiled back at her. “And I tried to go on living without you, for I knew that you would want me to be strong for you and keep on going even when you weren’t there.”

 

Eurydice’s smile grows brighter. “It’s not…..That I’m not happy to see you, Orpheus. I’d just be a whole lot happier to see you if you didn’t go and throw your life away for me….That goes against everything you stand for, Orpheus! What have you _done? Don’t you understand?_ ”

 

Orpheus sighed. “It was the only way I could see you again, I couldn’t wait. And maybe it oes against everything I _used_ to stand for…...But I don’t stand for anything, really, anymore. No, I gave up on that a long time ago, just like I gave up hoping or trusting or believing. What good is there in the world? The world is a terrible place. I never even saw the way that it could be, I just saw the way I _wanted_ it to be. The world could _never_ be like that, no matter what I did. I was a fool to think that I could change it, the world is a terrible place, and I have nothing to stand for anymore, as I have failed as a person entirely.”

 

Eurydice’s heart shattered. This was not the Orpheus she remembered! The Orpheus she remembered was kind and optimistic and full of a zest for life. He saw the way the world could be and he was determined to make it be like that. This was not he Orpheus! Not this cynical, cold, distant Orpheus who hated everything about the world and had no zest for life whatsoever.

 

Eurydice’s anger disolved and formed into tears, and she found herself sobbing in front of him. Orpheus smiled and took her in his arms, running his fingers through her hair and letting her cry against him. She was so small, so fragile in his arms, and Orpheus wanted to melt. The fact that he was holding her again made him want to collapse, he was so full of light and love.

 

And suddenly, Orpheus remembered the song, the one that had been a distant memory. Suddenly the music filled his ears and the melody and words were all swirling around. So Orpheus raised his voice, and did what he had not done in a very long time:

  
He sang like his life depended on it.


End file.
